susanreiny21 (susanreiny21) wrote,

I don't know what this is exactly--I'll call it, "The List"


I want some pills to cure this pain.

I want ten, twenty, thirty enough for the rest of my life

I want no more pain


I want a little money

No I want a lot


Enough to buy those dreams I don't talk about,

Enough to buy those dreams you don't know about

Enough I can make on my own and not have to lean

More than that dream…


I want a little love

I want to give more love


I want that perfect job

And I don't want to have to try

I want to have it fall into my lap like it came from god

Did god exist and did he forsake me?


I'm not a walking disaster

I'm just moving through life a little bit faster

I already have everything I want

I just didn't know it yet

That's something we all forget


Writing isn't a talent

Its no gift not to me anymore

Its something I was supposed to be able to do

And now I don't know what I'm good for


Want a great big house

And someone to clean it for me

I want to work from home

And I want another baby


I want to be totally healthy

I want to be completely sane

I want James to be happy

And never have to hear me complain


I want my dad to come back

So that I can kill him

I want my mom to come back

So that I can hug her


I want to be able to have more patience

I want to not yell at my kid

I want to stop hating myself

For all the things I did


I want to never say "I can't"

I want to get married more then I let on

I'm really, really scared of a lot things

Mostly that one day I'll wake up and everything I have will be gone

Because it's happened so many times before…

And I don't know if I can do that anymore…




I'm thankful for James

I'm thankful for my child

I'm thankful for my house

I'm thankful we have food

I'm thankful that I have family

I'm thankful I had the mother I had

I'm thankful for the things I've learned

I'm thankful for the friends I've made and the friends I still have

I'm thankful for the things ive wanted that ive gotten

I'm thankful for the tears I've shed because they've taught me so much and give me so much strength

I'm thankful for all the people in my life in the past an present who stepped up and gave me a helping hand and when no one else would

I'm thankful that I have the options, the choices and the freedom I have

I'm thankful for all the love I've had in my life

I'm thankful for all the fortunate things life hands to me when misfortune seems to rain down as it always seems to lighten the load and ease the blow

I'm thankful that there are people out there who care enough to read this whiny crap I'm writing lol

I'm thankful for the inspirations life has pushed my way to help lift me up everyday

I'm thankful for the ability to forgive

I'm thankful for all the wonderful memories of my mom—and all the bad ones too

I'm thankful that while I've been given a painful disease that I'm so much better off than so many other people with the same thing

I'm thankful that my joints are good enough I can type this…so thankful

I'm thankful for all the things that my family does to help me when I need help, even the little stuff like opening jars

Read more:

Tags: dreams, goals, gratitude, secrets

  • Hero Take Me Home

    You make me lose sight, Of the reality I'm seeking. Thank god you can't see me, Because my knees are weakening. You're a different kind of…

  • Gone too soon

    Physically exhausted and all sorts of stiff and swollen, and no not in a naughty way. Pushing 48hrs no sleep. Alyssa and Sam lost someone this…

  • Out of love

    This is so hard. I feel like an emotional storm is brewing, I've kept them safe and tucked away a long time, but it's all just built up a sort of…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.