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drunk, still

Ugh. Yep still drunk, dont fuckin judge me. Besides its the opiates I have a problem with. We're not talking about that though. James is a spolied shit. I'm in love with Ian because I need a distraction, I need a god danm excuse, and sadly he was the last inresting thing to happen to me--thats honesty right there, and thats sad. More reasons to move the hell on and get out of this dark cold place ive set myself up in. How'd this happen to me? Howd I end up completely dependant on a man? My mom would be so disapointed with me. But seriously fuck you mom for making me dine and ditch, for embaressing the shit out of me in the grocery store and trying to steal gad at the Chevron--among other things. But thank you for instilling in me a sense of self worth and pride, and intelligence, with out which I'd have no idea I even deserved better. I'd just always have a sense that something was missing. Oh and Ian, I never said his name because he was always afraid of being forgotten, and that was gonna be my revenge, but its up to him, he's not gonna be remembered because of me anyway and I'm done being bitter and angry. I hope so anyway.